Another Look at Consent

In Vermont, consent for sexual activity is defined by Vermont State Statute (13 V.S.A. § 3251) as “the affirmative, unambiguous, and voluntary agreement to engage in a sexual act, which can be revoked at any time”.

This definition can be a bit unwieldy, so let’s break it down. A few features to note about Vermont’s definition of consent are:

• Consent is affirmative: consent is a “yes”. While we should listen when somebody says “no”, the absence of a “no” does not mean that someone is consenting to sexual activity. If someone stays silent or does not respond, that is also not considered consent. If someone does not give the affirmative, they are not giving consent

  
  

• Consent is unambiguous: if you’re not sure whether someone has consented or not, ask them again. If someone’s response is ambiguous and you can’t figure it out, that is probably not consent. If someone says “maybe”, that response is not consent because “maybe” is ambiguous

  
  

• Consent is voluntary: if someone has to be threatened, manipulated, or coerced in any other way, even if they say “yes”, they are not giving true consent. They also have to know what they are consenting to, and any possible outcomes such as pregnancy or the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STI’s).

  
  

• Consent is informed: to ensure that consent truly is voluntary, consent must be given when the parties are sober and not under the influence of drugs and alcohol, or experiencing the symptoms of a traumatic brain injury such as blunt-force trauma or strangulation

  
  

• Consent can be revoked: suppose one partner gives their consent to have sex. If they change their mind at any time, their ability to say “no” needs to be respected. To truly count as consent, consent must be able to be revoked. Consent is not a contract locked in place. Just because one person agrees to something once, it does not mean that they will always consent to that activity.

• Age matters: any sexual activity with a child is illegal and therefor children cannot consent to sexual activity. The age of consent in Vermont is 16.

For more information on consent, check out Safeline’s blog post “What is Consent?” So, what does asking for consent look like in action? Let’s take a look at a few examples:

• Can I kiss you?

• Do you want me to touch you there?

• Do you want to go further?

• Do you feel like having sex?

• What do you feel like?

In each case one person is checking in with the other. Consent sparks a continuing conversation, ensuring all parties feel supported and listened to. Asking for consent and checking in sows the seeds for a relationship based on mutual respect.

Violating someone’s consent sends the opposite message: taking someone’s power and refusing to listen to their voice. With this in mind, here are some examples of what someone might say if they are not giving consent:

• “Don’t”

• “No”

• “Maybe”

• “I guess”

• “All right, fine”

• No response

• Saying yes only after the other person begs them repeatedly or threatens them

It is also important to keep an eye on someone’s body language and check in. Even if someone says yes, their body language (curling up, looking away, shaking, or otherwise indicating they are not enthusiastic) may not match their words. If you have any doubts about whether someone is truly consenting, do not engage in sexual conduct with them.

According to Vermont state law, a sexual act without consent is sexual assault.

If you, or someone you know, have experienced sexual assault, you can call Safeline’s toll-free, 24/7 hotline number: 1-800-639-7233 (1-800-NEW-SAFE). Our confidential advocates are here to listen to you and support you. We can walk through the steps of creating a safety plan, provide local resources and information, or simply talk through hypothetical situations.